I was jus sitting out here jus off an asteroid belt during a hunt. Looking at the beautiful Sun, letting it warm my face, and thinking about how sad Vi looked when I left her at the station.
I started thinking how lucky I am to hav her an others around me. I try to be good. I mean I try to do things right. Idk, sometimes things jus keep getting messed up an I feel everyone pays for it but me. But Vi, she jus keeps believing in me. sometimes I don't evn believe in me.
So I sit here still looking at this beautiful system, knowing there are miners out there in those belts who hav no idea wat I am about to do to them for no reason other than the thrill. I look down to my hands, they hold the blue pill that will alow me to forget the pain and to last a few seconds longer before Concord blows my ship to pieces.
Vi has not been mining. I kno she does well with isk. I kno I do not do well with it. And she jus keeps being there for me an I jus sit here an I am thinking I don't reely kno what I am doing for her, or anyone, for it.
something jus feels weird I can't explain, but I need to smile. But I think I need to do good things to be able to smile. Not jus laugh or giggle or whatever, I jus reely need to smile. And I am having a hard time doing that.
I noticed Violets smile fading recently. And a little while ago wen I left her there in that station to go out an do my hunting, on her isk, on her watch, She jus had a sadness I couldn't figure out till I sat here.
And then I got the news. I saw it come thru the comm. "A bounty has been claimed on Violet Aeon." Vi jus stayed in the pod and undocked and jus sat there until someone killed her.
vi has never died before. An my heart hurts
And I feel so responsible
